S3 | E4 Miscarriage and Ministry: Weep With Those Who Weep – Reformed Faith and Family
Six weeks ago we experienced our third miscarriage. Losing a child at any age or stage is a tragedy, but Christians alone have access to the living water that meets us in the darkest valleys. Scripture tells us to expect suffering, yet we are often undone by it. Much of this collapse comes from not understanding two things: the nature of this broken world, and the character of the God who rules it.
What follows is adapted from a sermon Caleb preached after a child in our congregation was born still. We share it to walk openly through our own grief and to offer pastoral help to both the believer who is suffering and the church who walks alongside the hurting.
Viewing Suffering Through a Biblical Lens
Suffering is the universal experience of fallen humanity. Creation itself has been placed in the bondage of corruption. Pain in childbirth, disease, decay, violence, natrual disasters – none of these were apart of God’s original design. They are the result of man’s sin.
When Adam and Eve rebelled, the curse spread to every inch of creation. Our bodies break. Our minds fail. Relationships strain. Even the earth groans under corruption. Nothing escapes the effects of the fall.
Genesis 3:16–19 paints the picture clearly: pain, toil, suffering, death, and hostility both within us and around us.
The danger is everywhere in forces of nature, disease, and the frailty of our own biology. Our bodies forget what they were designed to do. Our minds misinterpret reality. Our emotions rise and fall unpredictably. We fear what is good and chase what destroys.
These internal dysfunctions are multiplied as we interact with others who are also broken in body and mind. The curse touched everything. Everything has become a means of suffering.
So Scripture is right: suffering is a guarantee in this life. We cannot pretend it doesn’t exist or avoid living for fear of encountering it. In fact, God teaches that suffering has a redemptive purpose for His people. We dare not waste such opportunities for sanctification.
However, to respond to suffering rightly, we must understand its cause. Suffering is the result of the broken relationship between God and man. We suffer because we are of Adam’s race. If we do not start there, we will never understand suffering, and every worldly solution, even well-intentioned, will offer only temporary distraction.
The wisdom of this world would point us away from God and into yourself, but God’s Word makes it clear that the solution is to look to Christ.
Romans 5:1–6 (ESV)
1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
The Direction of Our Gaze
When suffering comes, the world tells us to turn inward telling us to analyze our thoughts, trace our triggers, excavate our trauma, and look to ourselves for the answers. This inward spiral is now seen as the necessary way to heal, and even many Christians have accepted the idea that only experts can meaningfully help the hurting.
But for most of church history, believers walked through suffering without modern psychology because they trusted Scripture to provide everything necessary for life and godliness including hope, correction, wisdom, and comfort.
The world tells us to look inward, the Bible directs our gaze upward. The world wants us to dwell and meditate on ourselves and our circumstances, the Bible calls us to look to God, to worship Him, and it gives us examples to follow.
The Life of Job
If you know the story of Job, then you understand that few men have had to endure as much loss and suffering – and not for anything he had done. Job was a beacon of faithful devotion to God within the land. Twice Satan was given permission to torment him – to see if his faith would endure the loss of what he loved on this earth. The first blow was that his vast wealth along with his seven sons and three daughters were all destroyed in an instance. The loss of everything he held dear.
Job 1:20–22 (ESV)
20 Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. 21 And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” 22 In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.
Job did not numb himself or hide his grief. He mourned openly. He did not get lost inside himself—he turned to God. He did not deny God’s sovereignty; he trusted it.
God’s people cannot be comforted by a false and weak caricature of divinity. God’s people are not made to feel better about the uncertainty and frailty of life by hearing that God is weak, timid, or ignorant. When God’s people suffer in this life, they need to be reminded that even their darkest hour has been prepared for them and that every calamity passes through the sovereign hand of the all-powerful, all-knowing Creator of the universe.
We don’t have to understand the cause or the purpose of our pain if we know that the God we know, love, and trust, has purposed it for us, and determined to work it for our good.
Romans 8:28 (ESV)
28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.Romans 8:35–39 (ESV)
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
The Life of David
We see that same kind of confidence in the goodness of God – though He is sovereign even over the trials that tear us apart – in David’s response to the loss of his son. He fasted and wept and prayed for the child while he was in danger, but after learning that he had died, David went into the house of the LORD and worshiped (2 Samuel 12:20).
David also, through the collected songs of his anguish in the Psalms, shows us that God does not always immediately respond such that we feel heard or comforted. And yet God’s people persist in seeking His face, because as Peter told Jesus, God has the words of life. Where else could we turn (John 6:68)? Consider how often he models persistence in seeking after God in times of distress.
David too, was no stranger to suffering.
We could give many examples from the Psalms – one of my favorites is Psalm 77, where David moves from undiminished anguish to a purposeful remembrance of God’s goodness in the past. For now, let’s just look at an example of David’s looking to God and calling out to Him in worship from the depths of despair from Psalm 116.
Psalm 116:3–7 (ESV)
3 The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. 4 Then I called on the name of the LORD: “O LORD, I pray, deliver my soul!” 5 Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; our God is merciful. 6 The LORD preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. 7 Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
Beloved and oft weary Christian, accept no substitutes in your hour of need. Do not be fooled into thinking that the god shaped by human wisdom can offer any comfort or any help. Resist trying to offer such an impotent god to others when they are shaken. Only the God of the Bible is worthy of our worship. Only the God who has numbered all our days, and written every moment of our life in His book before the foundation of the world, is able to comfort. Only He is able to purpose even the greatest calamity for our good.
Whenever you are in need, turn to God and keep your gaze fixed upon Him in worship. A broken relationship with Him brought all of this upon us. Only a restoration of that relationship can help. If we trust Him, we do not need to understand everything that we face. Even in the valley of the shadow of death, we need not fear any evil if our eyes are fixed on God. He has everything under control. We don’t need to understand everything. We need to trust the One who does.
Suffering Is a Community Project
We have considered the origin of our suffering, and the one to whom we must look to find both the ultimate solution and immediate comfort. Lastly, we will consider that this isn’t meant to be a path that any Christian walks alone. In the body of Christ, suffering is a community project.
In his first letter to the church at Corinth, Paul likened the church to a physical body made up of many members or parts. Each part is needed for the good of the whole. No part is superfluous even those that seem to lack honor are shown honor. We are meant to walk through this life together as Christians, to laugh and mourn together.
1 Corinthians 12:26–27 (ESV)
26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.
In his second letter to them, Paul lays out a bit more about how we go about doing just that.
2 Corinthians 1:3–7 (ESV)
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
We suffer with those who suffer, and we comfort one another with the comfort we have been given. God comforts us so that we may comfort others with the same comfort we’ve received. In other words, every believer, regardless of experience, is equipped to care for the suffering, because every believer has tasted the mercies and comfort of God. Even if you have never before been in a healthy church, and have never personally witnessed the comfort and love that is meant to flow naturally to and from the various members of the body, you have been shown comfort in the Gospel.
This kind of care cannot flourish in shallow relationships. True Christian community requires investment, vulnerability, and intentionality. Some keep others at a distance. Some wait to be pursued rather than pursuing. Some receive but rarely give. All of these patterns hinder real fellowship.
When one member suffers, all suffer. When one rejoices, all rejoice. This is the design of Christ for His church, and it is one of the primary means He uses to carry His people through grief.
Real community requires action, even risk-taking.
The only way that we will be able to truly comfort others is if we do the work of investing into relationships. Outdo one another in doing good for others. Consider the needs of others to be as important as our own. Walk through the hard times together. Accept the interruption of your plans to simply be near to the brokenhearted and distressed.
Some of you have experienced the outpouring of love and support in the midst of trials that flow out of the rich brotherhood of Christian community. For that I thank God. I have seen it time and again within this congregation.
Some of you have suffered in silence, wondering why no one cares. You have reaped the consequences of isolating yourself from genuine familial bonds within the body. Let me simply commend to you that it does not always need to remain this way.
The kind of true Christian community that both suffers and rejoices together is not formed by accident. It is fostered. It is prayed for. It is fought for. It is born out of the many crucibles of life’s greatest accomplishments, and greatest trails. The effort is worth it, I promise you.
Conclusion
Whether you are the one grieving or walking with someone who is, remember this:
- Suffering entered the world through a broken relationship with God. Hope enters through a restored one.
- The world will point you inward. Scripture points you upward.
- Christ commands us to walk together, not as isolated individuals, but as a family who shares both sorrow and comfort.
Our prayer for you is Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3: that you would be strengthened by the Spirit, rooted in love, able to comprehend the vastness of Christ’s love, and filled with all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:14–21 (ESV)
14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
May your suffering not be wasted, but used by God to draw you nearer to Him and closer to His people.
Listen to this sermon in full below:
Books to Read on Suffering:
- Surprised by Suffering by RC Sproul
- A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
- Seasons of Sorrow by Tim Challies
- Suffering by Paul David Tripp
- Grieving by James White
